Anamnesis
by ssilkenwolvess
Summary: (Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky) Carmenta didn't really want to know what happened in her childhood. This becomes apparent when her memories of the paralyzed future begin to return.
1. Chapter 1

Carmenta isn't sure when the nightmares started, only that it was probably a couple weeks after she… returned. Aft first she didn't know what they were, really. Flashes of dark landscape, running from something in terror, huddling around a weak fire. She wakes up unsettled, but brushes them off. Nightmares happened to everyone, no big deal, really.

They get longer though, more detailed. Audible are the harsh breathing of her companions, her pursuers footsteps, and other seemingly innocuous sounds. She can almost feel her legs and arms (_no that can't be right… I'm a Skitty, this isn't my body, who am I?_) burning from exertion, the Pokémon getting closer and closer and…

She wakes up in a cold sweat, in a body with four legs, a tail, pointed ears, and she is extremely relieved. During the day's exploration, she muses over it with her best friend Hersilia, a kind, if a bit talkative, Vulpix.

"I dunno Car, maybe it could be something bad? What if it's something like your dimensional screams? ...You're right, those are only when you're touching something, so that wouldn't make sense. Maybe you're just stressed. Honestly I got a quite a few nightmares after you dis—" She breaks off, sounding a bit strained. She never did like talking about that time.

Carmenta hums, but shrugs it off. If they meant anything, it would become clear eventually. Hersilia was right though, she was probably was just stressed. They reach the floor of the outlaw they were tracking down, and soon end up back at the guild, nightmare forgotten.

* * *

_You're running and running and everything is dark, but really you have never knows anything other than dark besides the stories your mother used to tell you—_

_Don't think about her. It'll only distract you. The Sableye are coming after you, and you have to get to safety before they can catch you. It wouldn't do to be captured this late in the plan. All of you were so close you could do it, and then you could fix everything, make happiness out of this miserable world…._

You wake up, and you _know._

* * *

She debates, for a while, over whether to let Hersilia on to her revelation. 'Sil hadn't mentioned it since, did she even remember? Did she think it was important? Was it important? Carmenta shook herself. Of course it was important! Her memories were coming back! A bit late, to be honest, but maybe that was a good thing, in hindsight. How much would have changed had she remembered sooner?

Nevermind. Ifs and buts didn't matter now. Everything was fine. Why is this stressing her out so much? _Yeah,_ she finally thought, _I'd better tell Sil. She'll probably find out either way._

* * *

In the end, she brings it up as they're settling down to bed. The moon crawls up the sky as you carefully explain it, and she listens patiently until the Skitty is done. She immediately speaks afterwards, though.

"Oh! That makes sense, I suppose. It's nice that you're regaining your memories! Well, except for the fact that they seem to be pretty scary memories. To be honest, I have no idea what to tell you….. If you ever need to talk about them, I'll at least listen! For now, though, maybe we should go to bed? Tomorow'll be a big day, as usual!"

Sil is right, of course, she acknowledged. The rest of the guild was silent, they needed to get their sleep too. Tamping down the slight fear of another dream, she settles down on her bed, falling asleep to Hersilia's gentle snores.


	2. Chapter 2

For a while, the nightmares aren't so bad. Some can even be called nice. She remember spending time with Grovyle and Celebi, sometimes planning for the trip to the past, sometimes not. Despite these nice memories, she doesn't really know if she wants to remember. Even the nicest of memories still had the undercurrent of fear and tension, the suffocating stillness, the darkness aside from small campfires.

She learns to cope with it, though. They're no longer as terrifying as they were at first. A couple of month's pass, and everything is seemingly back to normal. Sil seems to be under the impression that the dreams had faded with time, but Carmenta didn't say anything. She knew she should keep telling her about the dreams, but she needed to be strong, for her.

Carmenta knew that Hersilia drew strength from her. Not that she thought she needed her to be strong, because Sil _was _strong. But they were better as a pair, both of them. Who would she be if she hadn't met Sil? It was impossible to tell, really.

She wanted to be the stable one, to keep supporting Sil forever, even if it was a little unfair. It may have kept going like this for a while, if the guild had not gone on another expedition.

* * *

Chatot made the announcement about a month or two after the nightmares had started (She was starting to lose track, to be honest. Was that a bad thing? It probably didn't matter.) Chatot was leading the morning briefing, as usual, but deviated from the routine a bit just before the guild members were released for their daily work.

"Ahem! One last thing before you all go for the day. We have received information on a new area that has created quite a stir with many explorers. There are myths of it having fabulous treasures hidden within it's depths. After much deliberation, Guildmaster Wigglytuff has decided to mount an expedition! We're still deciding on who to bring, so make sure you work hard, just like the last expedition!"

This sent the guild into an explosion of excited chatter, before Chatot managed to finally hush them all and finish the briefing. Afterwards, Hersilia seemed to almost bounce as the two went to figure out where to go. She seemed to be extra talkative from all the excitement.

"Another expedition! I wonder where we're gonna go? It could be a mountain, or a thick forest, or anything! And this time, there won't even be Team Skull to mess us up. We need to work hard that we're picked! Unless Wigglytuff decides to invite everyone _again…_ Really, I wouldn't put it past him."

Carmenta giggled and looked through the boards and the offers they already had. In a few minutes, they had decided on a destination and were preparing for the day ahead.

* * *

Maybe it was a sort of premonition, the fact that that night she had one of her worst nightmares yet. Certainly the most graphic. The peaceful nights couldn't really stay forever though, could they?

_She was sitting with her family. Her mother, (her father had been killed soon before she was born) her sister, and her brother, along With grovyle sitting close to her. Three children! A miracle in this time. No one seemed to know how they managed. They did though, even if food had to be stretched to the breaking point and acquired through morally dubious means. But then morals didn't seem to matter to most people in this time, did they? Not when darkness was the norm and anyone could attack you._

_Her mama's face is strained and marred with frown lines as she poked at the fire to keep it alive. Carmenta tries to imagine it any other way, and fails. She wonders if she'd ever seen any of her families faces alight with joy. Wondered if there was even an actual emotion more positive than mere content. None of them even felt that fleeting comfort, only cold fear. _

_The fear only intensified as they heard the faint cackles of approaching sableye. Her mama immediately reacted, extinguishing their fire as quietly as possible. Huddling together, they kept their breaths as silent as possible as they listened for the Sableye. Carmenta wanted to cry, not only out of fear, but a powerful sense of guilt._

_She knew why they were here. They had come for her, the girl who had been rumored to hold the amazing power of the Dimensional Screams. Dusknoir- and the name sends a shiver of terror down her spine- couldn't let that go unchecked. So his minions were sent out. She was constantly hunted, and with it her family. And she snapped back to the present, to see the sickening glitter of a gem-eye. _

_An instant later, all of them are running, desperately trying to get away from the pursuers. Carmenta is lagging behind a little, the youngest and horribly tired from their constant running. Her sister, the oldest, sees this. Her face shifts from fear to determination. She lags back to run with Carmenta, and whispers in her ear._

"_Car, please, don't you dare stop. Please. You're gonna be scared but just. Don't give up, alright?"_

_She's confused, but keeps going, when her sister stops. She almost stops too, but Grovyle grabs and pulls her along. He had understood what she had been planning. Her brother did not have either of these luxuries, and before anyone could say anything he had bolted back to help his sister. Carmenta couldn't stop running, her sister's words spurring her on. They made their escape, to a soundtrack of screams of agony and her own muffled sobs. _


	3. Chapter 3

Carmenta started a wake with a stunted gasp, eyes darting around the room. In the faint illumination from the moon streaming through the window she can see the familiar room she had called home for the longest time. Relaxing slightly, she felt the tears, wet on her cheeks and still dribbling down her face. Briefly, waking Hersilia flitted through her head, then was pushed away. Not while she was still such a mess, reeling from the newly regained memory.

Shakily, she stood, knowing she wouldn't be able to get anymore sleep that night. Glad for necessarily acquired stealth in being part of an exploration team, she silently crept around her sleeping friend and out of the room. It was too dark in the guild. She needed to be outside, where she could feel the wind around her, see the moon and stars shining above her, proof that she wasn't in that shadowy hell anymore.

Walking without really paying attention to where she was, she ended up on the beach. Water gently lapped at the shore, glittering with the light from the moon. The beach at evening with all of the bubbles was beautiful, but this had its own mysterious charm too. Carmenta took solace in looking at the stars twinkling in the skies, and sight and sound of the waves. She seemed to be the only living thing out at this time, but the beach itself was _alive_ and time was flowing and it was dark but it was good darkness, comforting and warm, not suffocating and hopeless-

Without realizing it, she began crying again. She cried for herself, for the fear and sadness she had felt most of her life. But mostly she cried for her old family. _They _would never get to stand in the sunshine or moonlight. Never get to feel warmth and happiness and see life, green and growing and _beautiful. _

She cried because she knew that because of her, they were dead even before they disappeared. It seemed the least she could do, offer the grief she couldn't really give fully, not while being tracked. _(not that that had stopped mama, shutting down under all the grief while her daughter desperately tried to make it alright, until she ended up dead- _No. She couldn't think bad of her mother. After all, who's fault was it that her mother lost two of her children in one night?)

Eventually, she fell asleep there on the beach, wondering whether Grovyle and Celebi got to see the sunrise before they disappeared like she did. If she could, Carmenta would give them her sunsets. They deserved them more than she did.

_(In the end, she knew she really wouldn't. They might deserve them more, but she was needed by her new family too much to go away again.)_

* * *

When Carmenta awoke next, it was to a beach lit up with sunlight and her partner's anxious voice calling her name. Upon stirring and looking at her, Hersilia exploded into nervous chatter.

"Oh thank _goodness_ you're alright! Why would you leave in the middle of the night? And not come back?! Do you like sleeping on the beach or something? Loudred just came to wake us up and of course I get up, expecting so see you, but no! You're just gone! Nothing there to even hint where you'd gone. Sunflora, Corphish, and Bidoof are all out too, looking for you. I told them It'd be alright if I just looked, but they were really worried too. And then I just find you here, passed out on the beach, I was terrified you'd been hurt or worse! And- wait. Have you been crying?"

The last bit was spoken considerably gentler than her previous tirade of aggravated words. Carmenta stood, and shook out her fur, then went over to gently wash the tears tracks and sand out of her fur, before answering.

"Sorry. I went out to take a walk last night. Just fell asleep here."

Hersilia narrowed her eyes at her, and was about to ask more, when they heard the familiar voices of their friends. Quickly, they abandoned the beach to go back to the guild for their morning briefings. Carmenta knew, however, that she would have to talk about this with Hersilia sooner rather than later.

* * *

Sooner came that night, having just finished dinner. Usually all the guild members lingered and socialized with each other until they had to go to bed. Tonight, however, Hersilia delicately asked if she and Carmenta could talk privately. The others seemed confused and pried them with questions, but they brushed it off and retreated to the relative privacy of their room.

It took Hersilia a few moments to formulate her words, but she did leap into her words, carefully.

"I'm sorry about yelling at you earlier, I was just so worried! But, I need to ask what happened. You were crying, so obviously you had been upset. Was it more nightmares? Why didn't you wake me up? Don't you trust me?"

Carmenta took in a deep breath, and hesitated slightly. Instead of answering the questions, she retold the nightmare. A couple of times she had to stop, the words clogging in her throat until she managed to choke them out. She fought back her emotions, but she couldn't stop the tears by the end. Sil seemed happy to let Car press against her though, seeking comfort and support.

They sat like that for a while, before both acknowledged their need for sleep after such an emotionally draining day. Without words, they both shuffled their beds to be closer to each other, both for their own reasons. Like this, they managed to sleep through the night before Loudred woke them the next day.


	4. Chapter 4

Awakened by Loudred's yelling, Carmenta decided she was _never _going to cry again. Not if it meant she got this bad a headache. Blearily, you looked at the large blue Pokemon in your doorway. His almost-gawping made you realize that you were still cuddled up to Sil, who herself was stirring. He quickly shook himself though, and made his way back out into the main room, and the two hastily followed.

The morning briefing went smoothly, though the daily chants didn't help her head at all in regards to her headache. The day seemed to go by in a blur, and eventually after drinking a good amount of water her head stopped hurting.

In what seemed like merely a couple of hours, the guild was seated around the dinner table. Before they began to eat, however, Chatot cleared his throat, calling for attention, which he received with irritated grumbling for the guild members.

"Ahem! We will be leaving for our expedition very soon! I will provide more information about it tomorrow, along with the list of members the Guildmaster has chosen to go! Now, sorry to have kept you from your dinners. Let's eat!"

Ecstatic, the guild members dug into their meals. After the announcement, the guild seemed to buzz with excitement and chatter. After dinner was over, the trainees gathered in the main hall, discussing the expedition.

"Hey, hey! Who do you guys think will be picked?"

"Gosh! I really have no clue! Who knows what goes through the guildmaster's mind?"

"It sure would be great if we all got to go again, by golly. I had so much fun last time."

"I'm fine with ANYONE as long as they don't slow me DOWN! Hahahaha!"

"I'm just glad Team Skull isn't going to be joining us this time. I'm sure this expedition will at least _smell_ much better." Chimecho's statement received several nods of agreement, while Carmenta and Hersilia cringed at the mention of Team Skull. The conversation went easily on for a while, until Hersilia stood and yawned.

"I think I'm going to head to bed. Gotta be ready for tomorrow! Are you coming, Car?"

She gave a thoughtful hum, but in the end shook her head. "I'll stay up." Trying to ignore Sil's worried frown, she turned back to the conversation to let her friend go to bed. She really didn't want to worry Sil, but she also didn't want to go to bed. Not to the point where she refused to sleep, but still, she didn't want to go to bed any earlier than she had to.

"Sooo…" Chimecho started, sounding a little nervous. "Are you okay?" The other guild members attention seemed to be focused on her now, and she was becoming a little nervous.

"Er… What do you mean?" She knew what they meant, but wasn't sure she wanted to talk about it, especially without Hersilia's comforting presence.

"Carmenta, I heard you wake up crying the other night. And then disappearing in the morning? There's definitely something wrong. Is something happening to you?"

She could feel her ears droop. She never wanted them to worry about her. But she still breathed in, and let the words spill.

"I'm sorry. My memories… they're coming back. And it's not good. You heard the stories about the paralyzed future. It was awful. It was so awful, and I keep remembering everything about it, the stillness, the darkness, the _hatred..._" At that point, her voice cracked, and she knew she was shaking. She stood up. It wasn't the right time for her. Turning, she near bolted back to their room where Hersilia was sleeping, ignoring the concerned looks of the guild members following her out.

As she settled down on her bed, her partner stirred, opening one brown eye to look at her. "They're just worried, you know." Hersilia's voice is gentle and soft, and Carmenta smiled at her, slightly sad.

"I know. But trying to talk about something you can barely understand yourself….. It's just hard." Hersilia nodded comfortingly, yawning. In a flash of boldness and fatigue, Carmenta got up and wandered over to where her partner lay, settling down beside her.

Hersilia stared at her, shocked. "Um… You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just… Maybe the dreams will be better if… I sleep next to you?" Carmenta answered, seeming uncharacteristically shy. Hersilia giggled, then buried her face into Carmenta's soft pink fur. She smiled down at her partner, and curled a tail around her before finally curling into her and falling asleep.


End file.
